Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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