im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
