Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Randomize
