did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize