the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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