Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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