Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
