i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
