she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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