I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
