This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
