Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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