Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
