And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My liver just had a heart attack.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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