Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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