even my farts smell like vagina
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
