maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
