dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
