Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
