there's paper in my vomit.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
