I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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