Me. At least after what I've been through.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
