can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
