If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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