Just cropdusted the office
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
