sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
