some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
