I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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