Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
