i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
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