Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
