i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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