So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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