Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
