I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
