never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
