They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
