I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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