so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
