I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
nutella sex= disaster
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
sex in a hospital.. check
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
