Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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