Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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