Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
