you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
