If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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