dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
