Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
