The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
