The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
