I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm just crazy horny about you
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
